Living alone diaries (?) 33; going home, finding balance, and new tech

Photo by Mathieu Turle on Unsplash

It’s 4:45pm, Sunday, March 26th.
(Including time stamps because a reader said they liked them for some reason, so, shoutout to you.)

Well, hi guys.

Please don’t stone me, I’m just a young child.
I believe apologies are in order, so let’s get right down to business, hm?
I did not intend to take such a long break from this, in fact, I didn’t intend to take any breaks at all from this, as it is something I genuinely do enjoy doing.

But.

Things picked up really quickly at the end of January, and pouring out my thoughts and then refining them for consumption was a bit more energy than I could afford, so I decided to prioritize other aspects of my life.

So, here’s a mini update for you, patient, gentle reader.

I told you about the remote job I got, well, that has been a lot more tasking than I initially anticipated; I work quite literally every day, from dawn to dusk, and I’m not being dramatic. Being a news editor is a lot more tasking than the name sounds, let me assure you of that. If you’re in the writing industry in any capacity, you would know just how…rare it is for me to get such a position, especially at the beginning of my corporate career.

I’m not complaining anyway, I’m actually I’m pretty proud of myself (could you tell?)

I won’t lie, in the beginning, the job gave me massive anxiety, as well as a truckload of imposter syndrome; I felt like I wasn’t suited to this weight of responsibility. It felt too much too soon, and I was buckling under the weight of it all, so that took a toll on my mental, but I have incredibly supportive friends, and I’m happy to say that I’ve mostly pushed through that phase, and things are substantially better now.

One thing I learned from that is that sometimes, it’s okay to learn on the job, and it’s okay to be lost at the beginning of a new chapter. You’ll be surprised how far tenacity, a good, solid cry, and an amazing support system will get you.

Apart from that, I also ended my service year.

Yes, I am now done with that wretched NYSC, we thank the lord. And during the last month of the whole thing, there was much to do; forms to fill, things to get signed, dues to pay — if you’re Nigerian you’re familiar with the bureaucracy that inevitably comes with any governance system.
So that, coupled with my new job, strained mental, and also moving fully back to Abuja, was too intense a process for me to be able to sit and write every week.

I’m sorry for the unexplained absence, some of my friends already accosted me on Twitter for tweeting but not posting. Please accept my heartfelt apologies (with crying, throwing up, wailing, and a touch of hysteria).

I’m back home and typing this in my room as I listen to the greatest soundtrack ever produced (Dune), and it’s also Ramadan, which is always interesting (help me).

Its Thursday, 30th March. 11:22am.

I wanted to publish on Monday, as I normally do, but I got busy.
I always surprise myself with the amount of work I’m able to get myself to do. Since starting this job, I’ve realized that I can sit down and work for five hours straight.

I know that’s not particularly a good thing because when am I taking breaks, I just get into the cycle of oh let me just wrap up this task, another thing comes up and I think the same thought, then boom, hours have gone past and my ass is sweaty from sitting down for so long.

One thing that’s also taken a hit is my workout routine, and I’m not happy about it.

It just feels like my life was arranged on a tray, and at the beginning of this year, someone threw everything in it up in the air, so everything landed weirdly, and now I have to start the process of balancing everything out again.

But taking care of my body is something I genuinely enjoy doing, so I need to get back on that. Also, with fasting, my sleep schedule and eating schedule are too sparse for me to actually have the time to set aside.

I’m trying to do lower-impact stuff like yoga and Pilates and walks, but even those aren’t very consistent.

I need to figure out how to get my routines back in order, man.

If anyone has any tips, I wouldn’t be mad at hearing them.

Random, but Abuja is so hot, my god. I’d forgotten what it was actually like because Jos desensitized me. I’m using lotion and sweating it off before I leave the house?

I have a theory that Lagos and Abuja are so hot because of all the fornication that happens in them. It’s too many people committing adultery and stealing money that causes all this heat.

God is preparing them for what’s to come, methinks.

Of course, I’m only an innocent bystander, purely fargin, a child of favour, so I couldn’t tell you for sure.

It’s 10:51am, the 3rd of April.

My writing is so sporadic and disjointed, I hope it’s at least mildly entertaining to read.

Transitioning from living completely alone to being back home and having responsibilities to people other than myself has been…an unpleasant experience.

I’ve always been a mostly solitary person, but I didn’t realize how much I valued my solitude till I didn’t have it anymore. It doesn’t help that I don’t have the best relationship with my family or the annoying religious performances I have to do because I’m home.

I need to start planning to actually move out before I lose my sanity.

But my eyes are big (Yoruba saying), and if I’m going to live alone I want to live in Abuja, and Abuja rent is…an investment.

Who is interested in funding my Abuja baby lifestyle?

My dms are open to any such proposals.

I’m currently on a social media hiatus.

As much as I love my mutuals and the connections I’ve forged there, I also think it’s important to take a step back when I feel myself getting immersed in that world. So my friend and I decided to disappear off the face of the internet for three days, focus on other things (in my case, myself, and work) and just remember who we are outside of tweets and snaps and likes and stuff.

So far it’s been…odd. I deleted the apps off of my phone, so I find myself swiping to the screens where those apps are, subconsciously looking for Twitter or Snap. It’s not been unpleasant, it’s definitely made me read a bit more, which is something I want to get back into anyways, it’s just unfamiliar.

I don’t know how I’ve been managing it — with how demanding my job is — but I’ve been going out a lot recently.

I’ve always assumed I was the kind of person that would hate parties and clubs and raves and stuff like that, but I’ve also had a contrary obsession with just having these experiences, knowing what it’s like.

So recently I’ve been letting myself have them.

And it’s been interesting. Sometimes the saying “try everything at least once” rings true, because tell me why I’ve actually been enjoying it?
I don’t think ill ever be a club monster, but one or two late-night events a week is very good for me I think. I think one thing that has always been missing in my life is “fun”. Especially because I don’t come from a very outgoing family (even though we’re Yoruba), so I sort of just always told myself that I’m just not a fun person, and things like that just don’t appeal to me, but my stance on that has changed.

There’s something about being in a room full of people that are there solely to have a good time and then being there with your friends as well.

(Let’s not talk about the vomiting, thank you.)

Here’s to more outside in 2023, innit.

It’s 4:51pm now, and I’m at a café doing some work.

Staying at home all day makes work kind of depressing, and something about seeing other people doing work and those ambient café sounds is just so…therapeutic.

If you’re ever in Abuja, it’s called Habil Café, off Ademola Adetokunbo in Wuse.

The atmosphere is just so calm and they always have classical music playing and everyone is minding their business.

I think as human beings we have an innate desire for companionship.

Because why did all these people leave their living spaces to come to a café just to sit and work and have coffee? We’re all just here, pressing laptop.
There’s something about sitting in the company of others and seeing people, but not necessarily interacting with them. It just makes you feel less alone I think.

I’m a huge fan of doing things alone and having certain experiences alone anyways, but I recommend you guys try it sometime.

Utterly random (forgive my erratic thought trains), but I want to update my wardrobe.

I’ve always loved fashion, but I’ve just never had the access to it that I would have liked; my parents chose and bought our clothes for the longest time, so I was really able to pick exactly what I liked to wear, and I settled for making do with what I had.

And even in the past few years that I really discovered my style (minimalism), I just never really invested in it, just did what I could with what I had.

As I’m sure I mentioned earlier this year, one of my goals is to indulge my passions, and I realized that I’ve been ignoring one very big one.

Now, I don’t mean I’m going to start buying clothes willy-nilly, after all, I’m still very much a minimalist, and I don’t believe in having more than I actually need.

And what I need right now is some staple, investment pieces in my closet (essentially a capsule wardrobe); a good pair of sneakers, some classic loafers, sturdy, straight-cut black jeans, a few neutral long sleeves, one or two simple bags, a pair of basic boots.

Then after that, maybe some statement pieces that I’d only wear once in a while, like painted jackets/jeans and stuff like that.

It’s just dawning on me that this is a very first-world problem.

Anyways.

6:02 pm now.

Still at the café, doing some freelance work now, truly the epitome of multiple streams of income.

I’m doing it mostly because of my anxiety anyways; what if something happens? What if I unexpectedly lose my job? What if I just need more money than my main job can give me?

And also, I just enjoy the accomplishment that comes with working. One thing I’m very proud of is my brain, and any opportunity that I get to use it is very welcome to me.

I’ve been working since 8 am today (with breaks, don’t worry) and I won’t lie, it’s telling on me a bit.

I’m tired.

But I’m also going to the mall to get a few things before I go back home, so I should probably pack up now.

This is turning out to be longer than usual, but I’ve missed this, so you have to endure with me.

I didn’t publish last week as I intended, damn.
I don’t want to continue writing on the last post because I already feel like it’s pretty long as is, so I’m starting another one. (Update from the future — I lied.)

What do you think I should call this series? I don’t live alone anymore, so living alone diaries isn’t accurate anymore.

Comment with any suggestions you have, I’m stumped.

I’ve been really into taking pictures of things lately, and while it’s storage-consuming, and I’m not particularly doing much with said photos, it’s just nice somehow to capture these little mundane moments and post them on my snap story.

I’m quite enjoying it.
…
Sunday 9th of April, 4:55 pm.

This week has been… very good, actually.
remember my desire to elevate my fashion? so I ordered a pair of dr martens loafers to start me off because they’re basic shoes that can be styled in many different ways, and I like items that I can use like that.

Then I decided to get a new phone because my old one started misbehaving + I deserve it anyways. The past year has been rough, please.

Actually, funny story about that.

I’d gotten to the store, haggled the price, and they’d even moved all the stuff in my old phone to the new one, then it was time for payment.
and I realized I’d made a foolish mistake: you know when you change phones, you have to log out of your bank app and delete it from the old phone.

Guess what I did? forgot I had to do that.

So, I tried to log in with my new phone and it logged me out, and I couldn’t access my money.

Mind you, I’m sitting in this store anxious as hell, what happens now?

Anyways, all I’ll say is I have amazing people in my life because the bill sha ended up getting paid.

Obashata Hallelu, innit.

Then I went to the bank to get that resolved.

Anyways back to the stream of goodness that has been this past week.
I’d been hinting to my dad that I needed a new laptop (my old one took approx 5 years to boot, and a decade extra if you tried to do three things at a time), and we’d even spoken about it two days prior.

Only for this man to get back home yesterday and literally just smack me in the face with a cardboard box (exaggeration), and yes, it was a new laptop.
Needless to say, I was ecstatic.

I don’t know too much about laptops, but it’s definitely miles better than what I was expecting, so I’m grateful.

So yeah, I’ve had a pretty good week.

I can’t wait to publish this and interact with you guys again.

It sounds incredibly cliche, but I’ve missed you and this.

Anyways, how have you guys been? I’m very interested because the people who read this are obviously of excellent taste and must live very interesting lives.

I’ll see you next week Monday (if I don’t post, throw bricks at me in my Twitter DMs).

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