Living alone diaries #17; Ego-checks, gratitude and meditation, and first world problems
Completely forgot to write during this week, probably because I was so tired from writing other things that I really didn’t want to pick up my laptop and touch my keyboard again.
I’m afraid what I feared the most would happen is happening now; I’m beginning to tire of writing because I’m now trying to make it a source of income and really put myself out there.
On the other hand, I guess for the most part that’s going…okay?
I don’t know.
So, remember how I wrote about a submission I made to a magazine earlier this month, and how it was accepted for review? Yeah, I don’t know why, but the edits I’ve had to make, hm. A lot.
It didn’t help that I felt like the editor was being rude and unhelpful. But I left him a strongly worded comment and he reverted with an apology, so that’s smoothed out, I guess.
Besides, its just one article, its not as if I’m working for him
I guess its kind of an ego check, you know? It’s like, “Don’t get too cocky now, not too much now”. Anyways, I completed the last batch of edits, so well see if it actually gets published or not.
To be honest, I’ve kind of put my mind of off it.
My week has been pretty monotonous, but not in a bad way. I’ve been doing the same things I do all the time, but also trying to get back into my reading habits.
For someone who used to eat books for breakfast and dinner in the past, my reading frequency has been incredibly low lately. I’m usually occupied with work and my phone and other stuff.
And also, it seems like I can’t find any books that really keep me awake you know?
I miss the books that would keep me up at night till early morning, even when I had school the next day. I miss getting absolutely lost in a book and when it ends, feeling even more lost.
I mostly read historical fantasy, fantasy (heavy on this), sci fi, and some romance, so if you have any recommendations, I would actually love that.
Fewer things in life as amazing as getting lost in a good book.
A good thing is how I’ve really been getting into meditation lately.
I’ve meditated every day for the past week and it feels really good.
I’m not feeling any long-term benefits yet (I think) but I do know that I find it way easier to slip I into those relaxed meditative states, and when my anxiety comes up, its easier for me to ride it out with breath work.
It’s such an underrated activity, and that’s crazy to me.
There’s a deep sense of peace and gratitude that comes with just sitting and breathing.
I was telling someone earlier this week, I think we as human being are so consumed with the pursuit of more and better, that we’ve become really ungrateful. And I think that’s why there’s so much unhappiness in the world now.
Discontent and greed are direct results of ingratitude.
And the thing is, there’s so much to be grateful for; we often just over look those things until something happens and we don’t have those things again. Whether it be health, or a possession, or money, or a person, we are just going through life and kind of feeling a sense of entitlement to things.
I’m still on the journey myself, but I’ve become a substantially more grateful person since I started meditating.
It kind of forces you to be present and mindful, and that in turn makes you grateful for the ability to just experience that calm and mindfulness and peace. Peace is something I feel is severely undervalued when it’s being felt, but is incredibly missed in its absence.
There’s a quiet joy that comes with being at peace. And I don’t mean peace as in every single thing in your life is perfect and you’re in the best place possible.
For me, peace is found in the gratefulness for the basics life.
You are safe in your home.
You aren’t worried about how you’re going to come about your next meal.
You can breathe.
You can touch the ground and feel it, solid beneath you.
I don’t know about other people, but those are the things that give me the most peace.
Just those small safeties, focusing on the things that don’t give me worry, on the things I’m sure of, that’s how I feel peace.
Meditation has made me more grateful than ever for the act of breathing.
As you probably know, one of the major parts of meditation is breath focus; it is the act of making yourself mentally fixate on the rhythm, cycle and reactions of breathing. Through this fixation on this constant, never ending cycle, you are able to relax and really settle into your physical body.
What makes it so amazing is that, since breath is constant, in all situations, you can always come back to it. Mach to the calm of breath focus.
So, its made me really look at breathing in a whole new light.
Raising the ordinary to the extraordinary.
I’ll be going to Abuja by the end of this month, probably just spend a few days, go out with my friends, and decompress a bit.
I think I deserve that; this month has wrung me out in so many ways.
I’m also going to trade in my current airpods pro, for the third generation of the normal airpods.
Because of my tinnitus, the tight seal of the pros has now become uncomfortable; they make the ringing more pronounced during, and after wear, and I’m afraid its one of the things stopping it from really going. Normal airpods aren’t as tightly fitting as the pros, so those should be better.
I’ll go and try them out at an apple shop when I get to Abuja and see how they feel.
I doubt I’ll miss my current airpods anyways; I never use the active noise cancellation because it makes my ears feel stopped up in an uncomfortable way, and the ones I’m planning on getting will have a much better battery than these.
I just realized that you guys probably do not care about my airpods dilemma and this is a very first world problem to have.
Anyways, I hope your week is off to a decent start and you start to practice gratitude (though I just recommend meditating, to be honest), in your daily routines.
Counting down the days till I get to leave this dead state.
Hopefully, my next journal entry will see me in Abuja.
Amen.
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