Living alone diaries #11; Weekending in Abuja, good days, smoking cars and rain.

This week has been…long.

And in a good way too. You know when everyday is just so different from the last that it feels like you’re living in different mental spaces every 24 hours? That’s how it’s been.

My workplace has been on a partial strike for a while now, so I only went into work twice this week, and I can barely remember how that went; I don’t do much there, I mostly just work on other personal projects and read books on my kindle. The good thing is that I’ve really been getting into my writing (some paid gigs as well. You can clap for me now) and so most of the time I’m hammering away at my keyboard, I actually look busy, and no one really bothers me.

Speaking of writing, this week, two separate individuals asked me what I do, and when I tell you the pride that bubbled up in my gut as I said “I’m a writer”, like damn I’m really manifesting this writer thing, like actually. Obviously, I’m nowhere near where I want to be, and life is very crazy, but I’m on my way there and I feel good about it.

Conscious effort and all that.

I’ve mostly been in a good place this week, and I love that.

Completely and utterly random, but I got the apple 20-watt charger for my iPhone and let me tell you, if you don’t have this thing, you’re really making a mistake. I didn’t realize how convenient it is to just pop your phone in to charge while its low and like 30 minutes later be able to use it for a few hours again. This is your sign to get it.

Because I’ve been riding a kind of high this week I’m trying to just go with the flow, not dwell on how I might feel in another few days or some time later, and just enjoy how I’m feeling and how things are going.

I have this thing where when I’m happy or feeling good, I kind of try to “remind” myself that the feeling of good wont last forever, and I will go back to “normal” soon. It’s like a “don’t get too comfortable” kind of thing I do with myself, and that’s a bad habit. I consider myself a pragmatic person, and I think that bleeds into how I navigate my happiness.

It’s a habit I’m trying to kick, because this way of thinking connotes that feeling bad is the “normal”, when in actuality, a flux of emotions is fairly normal. Its normal to have highs and lows, how you ride them out is what really matters. I’ve spoken about this before, and this just goes to show that sometimes I give advice that I’m struggling to take too.

Doctors get sick as well.

I think one thing that people don’t like to do is confront themselves and understand why they do the things they do/ are the way they are. This is sad because this is extremely key to being a better human being for yourself and for the people around you. Its like trying to solve a problem without knowing the cause. I see a lot of people that are content to sit in their problems and toxicity and proclaim “that’s who I am”, and that’s pretty shitty behavior to me.

As humans we have a lifetime of self-discovery and understanding to do; because being easily riled up and impulsive comes naturally to you, doesn’t mean you should be easily riled up and impulsive. A lot of people don’t want to do the background work; seeking, understanding and confronting the parts of you that are this way, and actively working on them.

This is not to say that some things are not really just who people are, after all, we are a product of conditioning, but, as adults, it’s really your responsibility to sift through all that and at least try to be intentional about these things.

I travelled down to Abuja for the weekend to decompress a little, you know, change the scene a little bit and it’s been good.

The only thing that was rocky was the car ride down to Abuja itself; I left Jos around one in the afternoon, and normally, the journey is a little over four hours, so I was supposed to get in with at least one hour of daylight left.

Guess when I got in to Abuja (not even my actual home yet)?

Almost nine pm.

From the jump, every hour or so, the driver kept on stopping the car to “fix” something, so that was already slowing us down. Somewhere in Nasarawa, we rolled up to a mechanic’s and it turns out the fan of the car had been having issues; so the car was overheating and the driver had a way of making the fan run for sometime before it failed again.

Soon we were fixed and moving again.

We finally got into Abuja around seven pm, when the bonnet of the car started to smoke, now you best believe I was ready to jump out of that vehicle at the sight of a fire, don’t play. At a point we stopped in the middle of the express and because even other drivers on the road were telling us to stop before something happened. So, we stopped and the driver left the car and went to look for someone to come and actually fix the issue.

At this point, it was almost eight and the end of day rush was in full swing; everyone was trying to get back from work and go home, there was a lot of traffic, and there we were in the thick of it, chilling like ducks in a pond.

After sometime it was fixed and we were on our way again, praise universe.

By the time I got in I was so tired it was crazy.

But, I’m fine and alive, so that’s what actually matters.

On Saturday was a friend’s birthday, and she had a cute little lunch and that was really nice.

It had been a while since I was out for lunch with just friends and laughed and had a good time, I’m grateful for that, because it reminded me of what I want to really do with my life.

Be a lord of leisure.

I want you to call me on a random day and ask where I am and id just be at lunch somewhere with my friends eating overpriced food and sipping tonic water. I don’t have a dream job because I’m gen-z and as rumor has it, inherently lazy. I want people to wonder, damn, how does he afford his life, because they barely see me work (apart from deciding exactly which toppings to have on my gelato, and of course the most difficult one of all; whether to have my water sparkling or still). I’m inherently primed for enjoyment and the finer things in life.

Alas I was born in Nigeria and I don’t come from old, long money.

Sigh, these are the issues.

But, in all seriousness, I think my desire for finer living is exactly why I’m such a determined person. I will work for the life I want to have and I will make it my reality.

There is simply no other way around it.

As you can see, I very much believe in working hard to enjoy hard. Afterall, I did learn from the best; my father himself.

I don’t know why it’s been raining so much, even in Abuja. Its like something out of twilight honestly, overcast weather and drizzling rain for most of the day. Sans the vampires, of course.

Anyways, how are you guys? Tell me one thing that happened to you this week that made it even just a little bit better for you.

As I said in my last entry, small wins, hm?

I’m listening to one of my favorite songs as I write this; Hold me by Olmos. Its an old electronic song I’ve been obsessed with since 2018, and it been on all my apple music replays every year since.

Music is such a huge, important part of my life that I usually remember specific periods of my life in songs. Coupled with my synesthesia, music is one of the most important things to me, because I can see, hear and feel sound.

It sounds very extra and weird, but I promise you, look up synesthesia, it’s a very real thing.

Okay I’m going to go now, I hope you’re having a good week, and if you’re not, I hope this helped you feel just a little bit better.

Support my writing below ! i’d appreciate it >.< (click the image haha)

Below this entry is a clap icon and a comment section, and you can “clap” (hold down on the clap icon continuously) on a single post for as many as fifty times, this shows me how you felt about what you just read and also helps other people see my entries. Clap for me? you’re doing the lords work. After all, crying and throwing up on the internet is quickly becoming my brand

and if you want to keep up w me elsewhere, im mostly on twitter, but my instagram is pretty too :-)