Living alone dairies #5: Money talk, traveling to Abuja and a hint of feminism

Wow, I can’t believe I’ve been this consistent with these journals.

That’s insane to me.

Anyways, I’m behind on writing — today is Thursday- because I just didn’t feel like writing yesterday, and now there’s no light. But my laptop should last a while anyways.

This week has been very mundane; it’s just been raining a lot. It’s rained for over four hours straight today and I’m so tired, abeg.

Weather for two, but I’m one.

Wanted to go and get food and I couldn’t even.

It’s the end of the month!

So crazy how were exactly halfway into 2022? That’s insane to me actually.

Six months into 2022, I still feel like I’m in a sci-fi movie. The last year that felt real to me was 2019.

Everything after that has just been mindfuck after mindfuck.

I’m leaving for Abuja in a few days, so that’s good.

Something about surviving on your parents’ dime is so delicious.

At least I won’t have to worry about spending on food while I’m home (Edit from the future: I actually did order chicken republic but let’s not think too much about that now shan’t we?)

Alhamdullilah.

I think if there’s one thing people don’t like to talk about, its money.

I’ve found that how much money you have, how much you make and how you make money are things that people shy away from talking about. I don’t know exactly why, but there’s a prevalent sentiment of being hush hush about personal finances in Nigeria.

Even among close friends, if your good friend asked you, how much money was in your bank account right this second, would you be completely comfortable answering that?

This evasiveness in the face of money related issues is so crazy to me.

Its funny because everyone wants to seem like they are well off and have enough but we also don’t want to seem too comfortable because we don’t want people asking us for money.

Crazy stuff.

I grew up very comfortably, which is something I have started to become extremely grateful for, I never felt an absence of money — I had everything I needed and more (of course there were the ridiculous toys and requests that every child has, but even when I was denied what I wanted, I never thought it was an “We can’t afford it” thing), till I actually started receiving an allowance and started managing a small part of my finances myself. As I got into uni and actually started going out and doing things myself, I realized that life is dramatically different for others than it is for me.

This was when I understood my privilege.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t come from a family of billionaires or anything, and it’s not generational wealth either; we’re just very comfortable and I’m grateful for that.

Anyways, my point is, I never really thought about money as a kid, so growing up and having it consume a large part of my worries is very jarring.

Being an adult, I see now how incredibly relevant money is in Nigerian society, and I don’t just mean the actual physical thing that is money, I mean the idea of it, the illusion of it, the lack and the presence of it.

People will go to extreme lengths to look above their wages, (I should know, I come from the land of smoke and mirrors that is Lagos)

And especially with social media, the truly wealthy have a way to show their affluence, and the average lower to middle class Nigerian is scrambling to play catch up.

Anyways.

Its Monday now. The day I’m supposed to post this, I feel so bad that I actually haven’t already posted, two people have reached out to me already to ask why this isn’t up, but with traveling back to Abuja, I’ve been super distracted and not in the mood to write at all.

From Jos to Abuja isn’t actually a long thing. Its about four or so hours by road and its very scenic.

For most of the ride I was just gazing out of the window; we passed by dense, sprawling forests with trees that seemed like they were covered in leaves, from branch to trunk, even the forest floor was barely visible; long, creeping, wide leafed plants having covered the ground. There were also stunning vistas (yes, almost exactly like the windows xp wallpaper), expanses of wide, rolling hills covered in vibrant green grass and dotted with trees I could tell with one look were older than I am. I found that my favorite scenes were actually the exposed stretches of sand covered land, no trees and barely any plants, but the sand seemed to shimmer as the sun shone over it; the scorching heat of the sun had heated the sand so much that some parts at the top had melted into fine glass particles.

Stunning stuff.

Of course, there were also other, less visually appealing parts; extremely rural communities, no electricity poles or any other such amenities, young children running around in tattered, soiled clothes, villagers bathing and doing laundry in a muddy, brown stream that seemed more dirty than clean, old men sitting under trees.

Leaving the more developed areas and seeing these parts of this country is staggering sometimes- again, we have to recognize our privilege here- and disheartening. It made me feel bad to see so many people living such an incredibly rural life and I’m here worrying about changing my iPhone or getting upset that my father booked an economy flight (scenarios).

Not that these aren’t valid concerns to people, because we all live in our own realities, but it just really puts some things into perspective.

This is one of the reasons I try to be as generous as I can, there’s a lot of people that need what I have way more than I need it. So why not just help them?

Anyways, I’m obsessed with this Stargirl Interlude, it’s been on repeat as I wrote this.

What is it about interludes that makes them so fucking good?

Damn.

I also leave for Lagos in a few days, and I’m not very thrilled about that, but it too will pass.

I’m sorry this is coming so late, honestly, I felt like crap not keeping to schedule, about three people reached out to ask where the new post was. I absolutely love you.

On the bright side, I have my fathers whole house to myself, and it’s been a very tranquil experience. Usually, I hole up in my room because I don’t really like being around my family, but now yesterday I actually stayed in the living room watching TV. That’s not happened in over five years, I think.

Its just nice to actually be able to use the house. So, I’m enjoying it while I can.

Random, but I think it’s unfair how it’s not normalized for women to move out of their parents houses before they get married, just as its normalized for men.

Because for most Nigerian women, it’s from their parents houses to their husband’s house. They aren’t allowed the self-exploration that comes with living alone, with being the complete and utter user of your life and space.

I don’t think that's fair.

Its really all these seemingly “small” details that show you how the society is structured against women.

Why shouldn’t women?

Living alone teaches you so much about yourself and life that you wouldn’t know if you never got the opportunity to do so.

Such a random tangent, wow.

That being said, I need to go get breakfast, so I’m going to go now.

I hope I’ll be able to upload on schedule next week because I know my life is going to be hectic as hell by then.

I love you.

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