Diary of a 20-something Nigerian: living slowly, writing, and returning to my body
It’s 2:58, Monday, 18th September.
I just woke up from a nap, and you know those kinds of naps that leave you with a slight headache? Yes.
I’ve had a big cup of water anyway, so that should subside soon.
Anyway, the reception on my last two dairy entries has been heartwarming! I didn’t know that so many people could relate to having horrible jobs and needing external validation to embrace their creativity.
To everyone who read, clapped, shared and felt seen by my words, thank you.
In a way, that validated me too.
I’m going to make sure that when I get another job, it doesn’t overwhelm me so much that I can’t write these little entries here and there, because they’re kind of therapeutic for me as well.
This week I wrote a short story, but I doubt I’ll ever publish it. I feel like it was rushed, and so it’s malformed — I was reading it back and the words don’t flow to me, it’s like driving on a bumpy road.
So if I do want to publish later, I’ll need to do a lot of reworking.
The point is, I’m proud of myself for doing that. It may not be my best work, but it’s still something I did, and I’m proud.
Also, I’m getting back to consistently working out again, after taking a break for a few weeks. The break wasn’t even intentional, there was just a series of weeks where all I wanted to do was do yoga and take walks, and so I let myself. Then on Saturday, I did a full-body workout and I felt amazing after.
I’m learning to understand the seasons my body is in and how to care for it in those times.
Sounds very woo-woo, but it’s true.
4:44 pm Tuesday, 19th September.
The past weeks have been very slow.
At first, I didn’t even feel comfortable moving so slowly — there was no 8 a.m. resumption, no buzz in my fingers telling me I had to edit and publish stories as soon as possible, I didn’t have to be on, all the time.
I could leave my laptop on my desk, unopened, for the whole day, I could go offline if I wanted, with no anxiety about performing well or having to push other people to perform.
My life has become (mostly) my own again, and it’s such a luxury.
I didn’t realize how powerful slowness could be too.
In a world where “The grind” mentality is the prime mentality, it’s easy to get caught up in (mostly) harmful cycles, all in the name of productivity. I know I definitely did.
I think this is also more apparent because I came from such an extreme; working 70 hours a week, to having only two or three tasks in my daily to do (one of which is yoga).
I love it.
I’m not sure exactly when I’ll start actively job searching again, but some of my very sweet friends have been sending my postings and I’ve been applying, but I’m not actively seeking them out.
I don’t feel any pressure to get another job, at least, not yet.
Although it would be nice to have more money, it’s not pressing.
I’ve been doing a lot more of cooking, reading and writing.
My friend and I just finished the Scythe Arc series, and it’s really good. I highly recommend it if you’re like me and you like sci-fi, dystopian fantasy and supernatural stuff.
Reading so much again reminds me of why I love writing and why I wanted to be a writer in the first place; I want to create worlds where people can escape, places where almost anything is possible, and the only limit is my imagination.
I love how with books, you are forced to give the characters faces and visualize the scenarios, it’s an active thing, reading. Unlike watching, where everything is already laid out for you, you just watch and you’re done, reading is like watching’s older, and wiser sister.
Now, don’t come for me, I just don’t care much for watching things, so this is my opinion.
I’m reading this book called The Power of Less, and the last chapter I read spoke of pinpointing your focus.
We are usually trying to do multiple things at once because the world is always throwing these things at us regardless of whatever is already going on, so it seems like the logical way to do all these things as fast as possible, is to do them all together.
We often conflate speed with efficiency, and a lot of the time with human beings, it’s not the case.
You may get 5 heavy tasks done in one day, and maybe they’re fine, your boss gives you a pat on the back and says well done.
But what if you did only two tasks in that same timeframe and you gave them your all, you sat and focused and you did your absolute best? Your boss calls you into your office to give you a handshake and maybe you even get promoted, if you keep it up. Five years later, you and Elon Musk are eating dinner on Mars.
Which sounds better?
Of course, this is all subjective, and we are all in different places doing different jobs, but I think there’s something to be said for streamlined focus.
Pick one thing and pour yourself into it, when you’re done, you move on to the next, in descending order of priority.
The author said to practice in small ways; if you’re watching a movie, put your phone down, turn on do not disturb, and watch the movie. If you are taking a shower, pull your focus to your body, and feel everything, the soap, the water, the cold or hot water.
In my case, I’m writing at this moment, and I put all my devices on do not disturb and I’ve been in an uninterrupted flow of words since I sat down.
Of course, it’s not the easiest, especially if you’re like me and you get distracted easily, but practice practice practice. It really does help you feel calmer and tackle tasks with greater intention, producing better, more consistent results.
2:34 pm, Wednesday, September 20th.
I’m publishing today.
Just finished yoga, and again, I’m very glad that I’m consistently getting back into my body.
Sometimes I forget that I have a home inside my body, that this physical form is my own, and I forget to move it and be grateful to it for housing and protecting me.
Yoga helps me with that remembrance, I’m able to clear almost all my thoughts and it’s just me, moving my body and feeling my breath.
I started yoga because of my anxiety, and it’s steadily grown into a part of me that I love.
I do anywhere from ten to thirty minutes daily, though if you are just starting, less is definitely better. This is a great, easy flow that you can do immediately after you wake up or anytime you want to remember your body (it’s the very first yoga video I did and stuck with, so I love it).
Then this is the practice I’ve been doing lately, It is definitely not beginner-friendly, and it’s a bit fast-paced (I still work up a sweat when I do it), but it has stretching, pranayama (breathwork) and meditation as well as yoga, so I recommend for people who are a bit more intermediate than beginner.
As with any physical practice, start easy and slow so you build confidence and don’t get discouraged.
Okay, I think I’m going to end this week’s entry here, let me not bore you guys too much.
Thank you for reading and being.
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